"...may you rejoice in the wife of your youth...may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love." PROVERBS 5:18-19
PS. Have you done today's love dare?
]]> Marriage is supposed to be fun. We were designed to laugh together, play together, rejoice together and live with fond memories.But then life gets in the way of living. As time goes by, we spend more and more time talking about raising kids, bills,
Recent studies, however, confirm that one of the best predictors of marital success is the friendship between a husband and wife. (for more on this listen to our sermon on marriage as friendship from two weeks ago).
One place to start is talking around the kitchen table. If you plan to talk about fun things, you will talk about fun things.
Over the next few days, set up times to visit and share your answers to the following questions:
“If you were to describe your spouse as a vehicle, what type of vehicle would he or she be and why?”
“If you described your love relationship with the title of a movie, what movie would you choose and why?”
“Of the vacations we have shared, which one is your favorite?”
“What are your favorite bumper stickers?”
“If you could be a superhero, which one would you want to be? What is the first thing you would do as that superhero?”
These are all questions you don’t need to talk about—and that is exactly the point.
We have to talk about our responsibilities, but we bond to each more effectively when we laugh together. It has been shown that laughing actually produces oxytocin, the bonding chemical in humans that links you to your spouse in intercourse and bonds a mom to her family in child-birth and breast-feeding.
Cultivating conversations that are fun, therefore, consistently attaches you to one another and simply keeps you in love.
Daily Reading: Proverbs 5:15-19; Ecclesiastes 9:9; Romans 12:14-16; 1 Corinthians 12:24b-26; Philippians 4:4
Have a great day
ed
PS. have you done today's love dare? http://www.portofgrace.org/pog/lovedares.htm
]]>Become your spouse's biggest fan. Reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
EVALUATE: How hard was it to destroy the list? What are some experiences you can celebrate in the life of your mate? How can you encourage them toward future successes?
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Tomorrow's Love Dare – Love is unconditional
Do something out of the ordinary for your spouse – something that shows you & them your love is based on your choice and nothing else.
Next to your body language, your tone of voice will do more good or more damage than anything else. A harsh tone of voice makes your spouse feel like he or she is hugging a porcupine. A gentle tone warms up the heart like a crackling fire. Effective tone of voice in intimate relationships includes:
]]> • End like a rollercoaster. When your tone slows down and trails off at the end of a sentence, it communicates sincerity. If your voice rises at the end of your sentences, you will come across like a salesman rather than a friend. Try saying, “I love being around you,” twice. The first time, make sure the volume and inflection of your voice goes up at the end of the sentence. The second time, consciously soften your voice as you finish.Tone up your conversations before others tune you out.
Daily Reading: Romans 15:5-6; Genesis 42:7-12; Colossians 3:19; Proverbs 25:15; Ephesians 4:2
]]>Love Dare 7 Love Believes the Best
For today's dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.
Evaluate: -Which list was easier to make? What did this reveal about your thoughts?
Love Dare 8 – Love is not Jealous
Become your spouse’s biggest fan. Reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
TOMORROW'S LOVE DARE
Love Dare 9 - Love makes good impressions
Think of a specific (special) way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and enthusiasm. Let that greeting determine and reflect your love for them.
Nobody was born a good listener. If you are able to focus on what your spouse is saying with curiosity and patience, it is because you have practiced the skill often enough for it to be second nature. It is vital in marriage because men and women approach conversation differently.
]]> For women, there is a recreational quality to communication. Every activity, decision, relational experience and pursuit represents a new opportunity to talk. A young lady was mildly frustrated with her husband because he regularly interrupted her with solutions. She finally blurted out, “He thinks everything I bring up needs to be solved. He didn’t grow up with sisters so he doesn’t understand that sometimes women just like to talk about everything.”Men, on the other hand, tend to approach communication efficiently. They identify the topic, say what is on their mind, make a decision, then close the conversation. When the interaction continues, they get confused because they can’t figure out what the point is.
These traits are not likely to change any time soon so learning how to listen is one of love’s essential pursuits. You can improve your listening skills by practicing the following:
Repeat key phrases—when you repeat an important thought with interest, your lover automatically feels permission to share more.
Every few minutes, rephrase what you have heard in your own words to see if you have been absorbing what your spouse has been sharing.
Regroup by handing the conversation back with a question such as, “Is that what you were trying to say?”
Reconnect. If you think you have a story that expresses a similar emotional experience recount it and ask, “Is your experience kind of like that?”
Good listening skills will not solve all your issues but it will keep you fascinated with the one you don’t fully understand but fits perfectly in your life.
Daily Reading: Proverbs 1:5; Proverbs 18:13; Proverbs 23:19; Luke 8:18
]]>Tomorrow is the beginning of week two - Make sure you did sundays - it's really important....
Tomorrow's Love Dare...
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So, evaluating yesterday's love dare that was about asking your spouse about things that might bug them about you....
Evaluate: -What things did your spouse point out that need your attention? How did you handle hearing it? What can/will you do to improve these areas?
If you don't work hard at your marriage your marriage will hardly work.
In terms of the Love Dare Challenge I will post the evaluation of the previous day's love dare, as well as the next day's love dare.
What did you choose to give your spouse? What happened when you gave it?
TOMORROW'S LOVE DARE...Friday: Love Dare 5 – LOVE IS NOT RUDE
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behaviour. This is from their perspective only.
]]>Oneness.
]]> It is rooted in the promise of Genesis 2:24 where we are told that in marriage “they will become one flesh.” “One flesh” looks back to the creation of Eve. For she came from Adam’s body. They were literally made of the same flesh. And every marriage ceremony since theirs echoes back to the creation account and looks ahead with expectation to the personal experience of oneness each couple longs for.Oneness.
God in his grace longs for couples, no matter their relationship to him, to experience oneness in marriage. He has designed marriage as a special place where couples can know intimate oneness physically, emotionally and in a number of other dimensions. Oneness is everyone’s marital dream and it is God’s dream for every marriage as well.
But believers have an ability to experience oneness at a level unbelievers simply cannot. Believers can be one spiritually.
Think of your marriage as a triangle. Let’s put God at the top point and you and your spouse in each of the bottom corners. If both of you honour, worship, obey and walk with God you will move closer and closer up your side of the triangle toward God. And the closer you move toward God the closer you move toward each other.
Pursue intimacy with God and you will discover not only closeness with him but a greater oneness with the one you married.
Daily Reading: Ephesians 5:25-32; Song of Songs 8:6-7
DAY 3 Devotional - DON’T GO BACK!
When I was a teenager I worked at a summer camp and during some time off, my friend led me way out into the woods to this fantastic swimming hole. When we got there we were standing on the top of a cliff, the water some 40 feet below. I was a little freaked out, but I get really excited about adventures like this, and so, even though it scared me a little, I jumped!
That is called commitment! That's what you did on the day you got married! That's what you do on the day you get married.
One way of understanding commitment is to see it as not going back and asking the question again. To commit is about not going back and asking the “Do I” question again. You’ve made the decision. Now you live it out.
It’s a bit like brushing your teeth. You don’t get up every morning and go through the pros and cons of teeth brushing. You made a commitment a long time ago. You just do it. If you don't brush your teeth every day that might not be a good analogy - but if you don't, you should.
Living out a marriage commitment is much the same. You don’t go back and ask the wedding day question again. You live out what you chose to do however many years ago. It is a daily commitment to give yourself away for the good of that other person.
You said, “I do” and now all that’s left is the “do”.
Daily Reading: Psalm 37:5; 1 Kings 8:56-61
]]>Notice the call to leaving? It is absolutely critical to marriage. No leaving . . . no marriage. It is just that simple. But what are we to leave? How is a wedding ceremony a Leaving Celebration?
]]> Leaving father and mother is a euphemism for leaving a certain way of life behind. In every culture marriage demands both partners leave something behind. That something is singleness. If you are going to be married then you need to leave singleness behind. To leave singleness behind means I commit to no longer thinking like a single. It means no longer dreaming like a single. It means no longer acting like a single. My life changes from an orbit around me, my and mine to a life that is all about we, us and ours.A healthy marriage begins with leaving.
Is it possible that most, many, maybe all marriage problems can be traced back to one or both spouses thinking, dreaming and acting like they are single?
Reflect for a moment about you. Have you left your singleness behind? When there are tensions in the relationship is it because you are acting, dreaming, thinking, or feeling like a single?
What changes do you need to make to dream, think and act like the married person you committed to be?
Daily Reading: Genesis 2:24; Genesis 24:34-67
]]>Some people make marriage their idol.
]]> They believe it is in marriage where they’ll find personal value, their true meaning in life and the source for deep inner happiness.But to expect these kinds of experiences from marriage is not only foolish it is idolatry.
Bow down to marriage and you soon discover a life of deep disappointment. Expecting your spouse and your kids to satisfy these needs is a longing no human or group of humans can ever meet.
Gary Thomas reminds us that, “Marriage isn’t designed to make us happy, it’s designed to make us holy.”
Marriage is an intimate relationship God intended to use for a number of reasons in our lives including to shape us more into the image of Jesus. It is a place to learn patience, trust, communication, conflict resolution, love and a host of other character values. Marriage is more like a classroom than a castle. It is more a tool to grow and shape us than a trophy to be polished and adored.
Marriage makes a terrible idol. It was never intended to satisfy our deepest longings and give our lives deep meaning and purpose. That is something only God can do. And God alone is the only one worthy of worship.
Daily Reading: Exodus 20:3-4; Matthew 22:34-40
]]>1,. Reading Plan Available for Port of Graces' "Journey to Easter - click here for reading" 1st Reading starts today!
2. Prayer on Monday Night - we will be praying for our community and delivering the "Marriages that Thrive" flyers for the start of our upcoming series.
3. Ladie's Meeting, Friday 9:30AM to 11:00ish
4. Men's Breakfast, Saturday March 3; 8AM setup / 9AM Breakfast
5. Sunday March 4 - Start of our New Marriage Series, "Marriages that Thrive." - click here for flyer
The series is just the beginning...
a) Do the Love Dare Challenge: It's a daily challenge to do something for your spouse from the heart, that has the power to impact your marriage in incredible ways, Even if you don't "feel" like it.
b) For those on our mailing list - each day I'll send you a devotional thought on marriage just to keep your head in the game.
C) Our marriages series is working up to and will culminate with "POG's Love and Respect Marriage Conference" - March 30st 6-9PM & 31 9:30AM-4:30PM. (The conference will cost $20 to cover expenses, but if you can't afford it, don't not come because of that, just let Pastor Ed know.)
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